7 Ways To Enhance the Male Orgasm
You know for your girlfriend, there’s a difference between the big, powerful, intense orgasms and the smaller ones, that are more frequent. And while you might enjoy deciphering between the two (and aiming for the former!), have you considered the different levels of pleasure that you might experience, too? Male and female orgasms engage varying parts of your body, but one doesn’t outweigh the other, in every respect, experts say. ( REAL SEX CONTACTS )
“The difference between male and female orgasm itself is that with women, orgasm is produced by direct stimulation of the clitoris or G-spot, felt and described as waves of pleasure throughout the body, and a series of contractions that are felt through the uterus, anus, cervix, and genitals at 0.8 seconds apart. It takes the average women about 15 to 20 minutes to orgasm,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Marissa Nelson.
“Male orgasm involves contractions of the PC muscles, anal, perineum and penis, and the feeling of pumping and/or throbbing. It takes the average man three to five minutes to achieve orgasm and the sensation of ejaculation can heighten orgasm. It’s important to remember that ejaculation and orgasm are two separate events, as a guy can have an orgasm without ejaculating.”
So how do you enhance the male orgasm to be even better for you? Here are some tricks and tips from those who know best:
1. Breathe More
Most people – men and women alike – have a tendency to hold their breath while they’re orgasming. It makes the release (of the orgasm and your breath) feel a little more intense, or so it seems. In reality, if you can learn how to control your breath and focus on it, you’ll experience heightened, more intense sensations. “Holding your breath stops the depth and intensity of orgasm that can be enhanced, and magnified through breathing slowly and deeply. As soon as you feel yourself climaxing, remember to take a deep breath from the belly and inhale deeply to the count of four, and exhale slowly out the mouth to the count of four, and let your breath ride through the wave of orgasm,” Nelson says. “This breath work will help expand the feelings of orgasm and circulate that satisfaction throughout the entire body.”
2. Don’t Be Afraid Of Experimenting
You may be a little shy and hesitant to let your girl go for some backdoor play, but Nelson says opening your boundaries and limits may strengthen your orgasm even more. “It’s not just about stroking the penis, it’s about building arousal and pleasure sensation. You and your partner can start by touching, licking, biting the nipples, thighs, belly, and the entire penis, from the base, up to the shaft and tip, the perineum and scrotum,” she notes. “This helps to expand the boundaries or routine of sex to include new and blended level of bliss.”
3. Try A Cock Ring Or Ball Stretcher
While trying all of the candid – and helpful! – advice above from sex therapists and experts will definitely help you maximize your performance, and give you the extra push you need to take your orgasm from zero to a hundred, simply using your body parts will only get you so far. It’s not that you can’t achieve a killer experience with your partner’s hands, body and mouth, but rather, when paired with toys that are built for one purpose – and one purpose only – you can experience never-before-felt sensations. Here are some fun gadgets to consider, especially if you’re in the market for the best sex of your life (and hey, who isn’t?)
Alright, alright so you know the stroke dance that works for you and you can likely get yourself off in less than a minute if you want to – but that won’t make your sex life with your partner better. In fact, it could make it worse for her and for you. Sienna Sinclaire, sex expert, says when you masturbate, you should always be innovative. “There are cock rings that have attachments that will vibrate on the balls leaving his hands free to do other things,” she says. “Or you can try a ball stretcher – which sounds scarier than it is – usually found in the fetish departments. You can attach this device to your balls with as many weights as you want and it will pull your balls for you while you work your cock.”
What do cock rings do? They’re helpful for lots of things, depending on what function you’d like them for.
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4. Stop And Start Again
“Men can sometimes go from erection to ejaculation really quickly and rush through it,” Nelson says. “But it’s important to slow down and pay attention to arousal and sexual energy.” How do you do that? Nelson suggests tuning into each of the sensations you are feeling and not giving in to feeling ahem, horny, while you’re still working on getting turned on. “Try prolonging the feeling of arousal and masturbate or thrust until you feel the sexual energy build, then stop. Start to squeeze the tip or base of the penis until you feel the urge to come subside,” Nelson says. “Try this method three to four times while self-pleasuring or during sex, as this will increase and sustain that delicious feeling of pleasure, and overall sexual stamina.”
5. Try A Penis Pump
“A lot of men have trouble with maintaining erections or they’re just not happy with the size of it. Penis pumps are a great way of literally pumping yourself up before sex, and when used in conjunction with a cock ring, they can make you last way longer than you normally would,” Sinclaire says.
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6. Get Out Of Your Head
Both Sinclaire and Nelson say the key with male orgasm is to let yourself go with the moment, and if you find your mind trailing off, you won’t always get the best experience with your orgasms as you could. While you might be able to ‘finish’ – so to speak – if you’re really looking for an explosive experience that takes you (and your partner) to the next level, exploring toys like the ones below might be the ticket that opens your mind and sexual liberties to a place you’ve never been before.
7. Use A Prostate Massager
“Prostate massagers are fantastic sex toys for guys and will become an integral part of your toy box. They come in different thicknesses, but most of them are usually thin with a bulbous end purposely designed to slip easily inside your anus and stimulate your prostate. They’re slick, lightweight and easy to look after, and offer the most intense orgasms,” Sinclaire says.
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Hot Holiday Cocktails (That Don’t Include Egg Nog)
With colder weather comes the drinking progression into hot cocktails. While hot cider had its moment in the fall, and love-it-or-hate-it eggnog will inevitably show up at a range of functions, there are better ways to build heat. “I think over the past few four or five years, as more cocktail bars have opened, the availability of warm cocktails has really come to the forefront,” says Pam Wiznitzer, beverage manager at Henry in the Life Hotel in New York, New York.
Infallible standbys like hot toddies are given buzzy new twists. Flaming concoctions, like the blue blazer, where a fiery arc of whiskey alights between two mugs, have trained mixologists adding a theatrical flair to the glass. Bartenders are also pulling from personal backgrounds for their creations. “My dad would make this holiday tea when I was a kid,” says Juyoung Kang, lead bartender at The Dorsey at The Venetian Las Vegas (recipe below). “It had black tea, cinnamon, lots of ginger, persimmon, star anise and pine nuts. He would make a big pot of it. I always thought this would be awesome with cognac or whiskey.”
You can heat up almost any liquor, says Wiznitzer. “Spirits that are barrel-aged—Cognac, whisky, aged rum—tend to do a little bit better than those that are un-aged, like vodka, gin, and tequilas,” she advises. “The [toasted] notes of the barrels really shine through.” Liqueurs with a bit of sugar, “like a Grand Marnier or Cointreau, which is foolproof and has sugar already added to it, is phenomenal,” but she warns against heating creme-based sippers, a stomach-turning proposition.
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This Holiday Season, Give the Gift of Anal.
Preparation
The first thing you have to do when a partner mentions anal is to figure out how you feel about it. “Just because someone wants it, doesn’t mean you have to give it to them,” LaVey says. This is especially true if you’re dealing with a new partner. “Anal sex requires you to surrender and open up in a way that’s very profound,” she says. “You need a partner to recognize that.” For that reason, LaVey cautions against having sex with a casual partner—for more reasons than the emotionality. (More on that in a second.) “Everyone is free to make their own decisions,” she says. “But if it’s your first time, you want there to be open communication.”
That leads us to our next point of prep work: Talk! Don’t just jump into anal willy-nilly. “It’s important to know each other’s experiences with anal sex,” LaVey says. “If you’ve had a situation in which a partner poked in the wrong direction, and it was painful for you, then you might have some unresolved trauma that’s making you afraid.” Being open and communicative is so important ahead of any sex act, but that’s especially true if you’re new to anal, she says.
If you’ve never had anything in your ass, LaVey says it’s a good idea to experiment on your own. This can actually be super fun to do. “In the bath, play with your ass a little,” she says. “Don’t let his cock be the first thing that goes in there.” She suggests sticking a finger in first and seeing how it feels. You and your partner can and should also play around with fingers in bed. Butt plugs are also a fun toy to use during P-and-V sex, and LaVey says not to discount rimming. “It can get you used to having someone in that area,” she says. “Plus, it feels yummy.”
Remember: The vagina stretches. The anus? Not so much. So if you’ve done all of this and anal sex is still painful, then it could just be that your partner is a little too big.
The Main Event
Let’s get the most pressing concern out of the way first: If you’re worried about shitting on your partner, there are a few things you can do. First of all, LaVey reminds, the rectum doesn’t hold poop. Waste only passes through there, so the chances of your partner getting a ton of doodoo on them is pretty slim. But if you’re worried, she suggests eating a light meal before you know you’re set to have anal for the first time. You can also pick up an enema from the drugstore and do one before. “It helps me to feel light and clean,” LaVey says.
Foreplay is super important when it comes to anal sex, especially since most women won’t have an orgasm through anal alone. It’s a good idea to build up arousal in both parties, which can make relaxation a whole lot easier for the woman taking the dick. “It’s not a bad idea for her to have an orgasm before anal sex, or even have a little vaginal sex before,” LaVey says. Just remember the golden rule: Unless you’re washing up or changing a condom, never go from anal to vaginal sex. Vaginal to anal, however, is fine.
As far as lube goes, “you can’t use too much,” LaVey says. She says putting some inside of your anus as well as on his cock can help everything slip and slide much better. “Water-based lubes tend to dry up quickly, which is why I’m a fan of oil-based lubes,” LaVey says. “You want it to be slippery, not sticky.” She likes brands like Uberube and Yes. But remember—oil-based lubes and condoms don’t mix, which is another reason LaVey says you should only have anal with a fluid-bonded partner. If you’re worried about relaxation, she’s also a fan of CBD oil lubes, like Awaken by Foria Wellness. “It can help the muscles around your anus relax a bit,” she says.
A rookie mistake when it comes to having anal sex? Going straight to doggy style. “This is the worst position to start in, because it shortens the rectum,” LaVey says. Instead, she says to try something that will stretch you out, making it more comfortable to receive your partner’s dick. “Try laying on your back with your knees pulled up to your chest, or laying on your side in a spooning position,” LaVey says. “Those are the best positions to relax your anus.”
And remember: The vagina stretches. (We pass babies through there, remember.) The anus? Not so much. So if you’ve done all of this and anal sex is still painful, then it could just be that your partner is a little too big for you to take. Don’t try to force, LaVey says, and be open with him about it. Chances are, he’ll revel in the fact that his size is a hindrance and stick to vaginal sex. (Men. Such simple creatures.)
Once it’s all over, make sure you communicate with your partner about how you feel. “You might have some new emotions bubble up that you weren’t expecting, which is why it’s important to do this with someone you trust,” LaVey says. Be honest about those feelings, and if they’re negative, don’t push them down just to make your partner happy. Sex is meant to be enjoyable for everyone involved, and it’s not cool for yourself or your partner if you’re doing something that doesn’t feel good. And if you loved it? Let your partner know that, too! “Anal sex is such a gift to give to a partner,” LaVey says. “It’s such a deep opening, and it can create even more intimacy between you and a partner.”
You hear that, ladies? Your ass is a gift! But we already knew that, didn’t we?
13 Ways to Be a Better Kisser
1. Freshen Up
It goes without saying that when you’re inches from someone’s face, no one wants to inhale whiffs of stale coffee or a mouthful of garlic and onion. A little self-awareness goes a long way—avoid overly pungent foods or pack a teeny pack of mints, just in case.
2. Time the Moment Right
Follow the other person’s body language cues to know when it’s the right time to initiate a kiss. Consent is key, so it never hurts to ask before leaning in for a smooch if you’re not sure. Just don’t insist on forcing a kiss if it doesn’t feel right, or leave the other person waiting so long that they start questioning whether you’re interested in them.
3. Work Your Eyes
When you’re leaning in for a kiss, you can’t use your mouth to speak, so why not say it through eye contact? When you’re actually mid-kiss, though, dial it back a bit since it can be unnerving to find someone straight-up staring at you in close range (see: Bruno Mars’ “Grenade”). Temporary blindness during a kiss can intensify the way it feels—the sound of another person’s breathing or the gentle touch of their hand.
4. Stay in the Moment
You’re guaranteed to feel more connected to the other person if you stop feeling anxious about your kissing skills or something you said 10 minutes earlier by tuning out any extra mental chatter and giving into the moment.
5. Take Your Time
Kissing is a team effort. Don’t squelch someone’s spirit by going on the offensive (AKA getting too heavy-handed with tongue) or trying too hard to control the situation or lead the way.
6. Pack Some Balm
No, no one expects your lips to be “kissably soft” all the time. But it does help to pack some lip balm in your bag if your lips are a dry, flaky mess in winter.
7. Mind Your Tongue
Tongue use can be great…in moderation. Remember, it’s a kiss, not a facial wash. No one likes to be doused in saliva, or have their entire mouth filled by someone’s tongue. Try starting out slow and small with no tongue and cranking up the intensity as a kiss gets more passionate.
8. Pay Attention to Surroundings
Whether it’s candlelight, a tent under the stars, in the ocean, or in a sudden rain storm, special new surroundings make a kiss interesting. Because your eyes are closed most of the time during a kiss, you’ll hear and even feel the things that are happening around you more clearly.
9. Be Spontaneous
Kissing is all about the about the back-and-forth exchange, so feel free to loosen up and experiment with different styles of kissing to keep things interesting. Try gently—key word, gently—tugging on his lower lip with your teeth during a kiss. Do the upside down Spiderman! Try using more tongue or transitioning sides during a kiss or gentle biting, so long as both of you are into it.
10. Follow Each Other’s Lead
Good kissers will mirror each other’s movements, so that they’re both on the same page. Take note of what your partner’s doing and imitate it. Or, take the lead if you want to try something different. Feel out each other’s impulses and kissing styles, and go from there.
11. Make it a Full Body Experience
A kiss will feel even deeper if you’re holding the other person close during a kiss or touching their neck or back.
12. Learn Your Erogenous Zones
On that note, don’t forget the grazing potential of the ear lobes, nose, collarbone, and the neck—just think of all those nerve endings. Hickeys aren’t exactly everyone’s cup of tea, so don’t bite down or latch on unless your partner indicates that they’re into it.
13. Give Each Other Positive Feedback
To kill the anticipation and nerve-wracking vibes of a kiss, give the other person positive feedback so that your partner feels good after a kiss. If they’re not the best kisser in the world, gently guide them in another direction by slowing down, pulling back, and demonstrating a
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Dirty Talk For Those Lacking In Lustful Linguist Experience.
When getting sexy, we’re all about taking the seduction and anticipation up a few notches, and talking dirty can be a route to a whole new level of excitement.
It’s an area of sex that makes a lot of people feel silly because they’re unsure of how to go about it without feeling ridiculous.
“Talk dirty to me baby…” can get some folks freezing like a nudist caught in a snowstorm. For others, it is like the sound of a starting pistol. “Go baby, Go!”
Dirty talk can get both of you hotter than ever, but it can also lead to confusion, missed signals, and awkwardness – meaning we have to tread carefully. When it comes to horny jibber jabber, you’re really addressing one thing: how much can you get away with?
What should you say? What do they want you to say? What if you say too much? What if you say too little? Most people err on the side of caution, possibly leading to boring, platonic, sanitised conversations destined never to lead to an elevated heart rate – let alone an orgasm. On the other hand, some people are so brazen, they turn off the majority of people they’re trying to turn on. The secret is to push the boundaries of what you can get away with without crossing them…well…by too much anyway, hehehe!
The foundation for horny and fun dirty talk is the same as other components of a healthy sex – good communication with your partner and being upfront about what you like.
Now go for Gold with these five tips.
Training
Talking about stroking her bearded clam, rubbing his pink wand, or using red flag words is a bit of a no-no. Word choice matters. Don’t be unnecessarily clinical or explicit; nothing is going to make a girl drier or a guy softer than talking about volumetric blood flow to the genital region. Do be descriptive. Details make stories come to life, and essentially, mucky chatter is all about details
On Your Marks
Learn some new horny words – erotic fiction is a pretty good place to find new words to add to sexy times; porn videos tend to be a bit short on good or realistic dialogue.
Get Set
Like with anything, when and how you do it matters. Do be humorous, but strike a balance. If you’re too serious, it’s creepy. If you’re too funny, you’re a clown. Don’t incorporate dirty talk too early – such as someone who hasn’t given you signs that he or she is open to it. Subtlety, wordplay and cleverness go a long way. But don’t force it. You should talk dirty because you’re in the mood and feeling it – not because someone told you to do it. There has to be some passion behind it. Read the signs, be aware of the other person’s response to your dirty talk. If the person you’re with gives you a red light, respect it.
Go, Go, Go!
Talk about how they taste, how good they make you feel – be specific. Don’t freak out if your partner tries dirty talk without the pre-conversation and you don’t like it – just talk about it, regroup and get it on.
Across the Finish Line
If you are in the heat of passion and land upon a phrase that turns them on, simply repeating it can give it a great sexual intensity. Even something as simple as “Don’t stop! Don’t stop! Don’t stop!” can make your lover go the extra mile.
Now get those tongues wagging people…in other ways too! 😉
Do you enjoy dirty talk? What is your favourite wank-worthy whisper? Share with us in the comments.